Once Upon a Time
in Teacherland
# 1 AMPLIFYING EMPATHY
I was prompted to speak to a group of my students who had been off-task when attending a specialist lesson.
A usually attentive bunch, I was keen to find out what was happening, to get the students’ take on things. So, I asked: “What’s been going on in this class? Any reason you have been acting out for this teacher?”
They responded,
“Mrs ____ thinks we’re really noisy”.
I had a think on this. I knew this other teacher well, a skilled operator, with a firm-but-fair approach, just like mine. Working with this teacher should not have required much adjustment for my students. I then thought about the physical space - and that’s when the penny dropped. These lessons were facilitated in an amazing space that had been converted from the old school chapel into a classroom. The acoustics in there were GREAT, almost too great. Even the quietest of students could be heard loud and clear as they chatted politely to the person next to them. This was it.
Cue discussion with my students about empathy and generous assumptions. “Guys, did you know that room you’ve been learning in with Mrs ____ was once a beautiful chapel? What do you know about the sound in chapels?”….
“It’s loud and clear”, one remarked.
I continued. “Well, you say the teacher has said you’re too noisy, well you probably are! Maybe she’s not too strict, maybe she’s doing her best in a space that is amplifying your voices ten-fold! Spare a thought for Mrs ____ and maybe from now on, keep this in mind when you’re excitedly sharing your ideas with the people around you”.
From that week on, I’d only heard great things about those lessons, from teacher and students. Empathy in action, modelled beautifully by my little legends.
# 2 CARPET TIME
I came to realise that there was a physical resource in my classroom that I had overlooked for too long. One that, beyond all others, could be (and would be) used as a massive culture-builder for my classes; a literal platform for sharing, storytelling, inquiry and problem-solving, that had been previously shown little regard and literally walked all over…..THE CARPET.
Since realising it’s potential, ‘carpet time’ has become a staple routine of my school-day, providing daily opportunities to casually check-in with my students (as a group), share moments of gratitude, tell stories of experience, discuss relevant challenges and problems (and sometimes solve them!), and is generally an opportunity for me to (quite literally) get down on the students’ level, gently encouraging vulnerability, empathy, all while strengthening a sense of trust and community within the four walls of my classroom.
Any teacher will tell you how quickly the day can get away; and with such a busy curriculum, how easily opportunities to develop important ‘soft skills’ can be lost.
I value ‘carpet time’ with my students beyond all other lessons taught in my school day and, by the end of the year, most of them hold it in the same high regard.
# 3 THE POWER OF QUESTIONS
Having taught the whole spectrum of primary school ages, it is interesting to note how, as children get older, their willingness to ask questions generally declines. Young children ask on average up to 400 questions per day. Their sense of wonder is through the roof as they yearn to discover more about their world. While I don’t necessarily believe this sense of wonder goes away, there is a clear difference as children get older, in their willingness (or lack thereof) to put themselves out there; to seek clarification, to ‘expose’ themselves as not knowing, or to ask for help. That sense of FOPO (fear of other people’s opinions) tends to seep in, in the upper primary years and by high school, those 400 questions that they were asking as a 3-year-old have dwindled down to perhaps single figures.
Teaching children the power of questions is an ambitious endeavour but SUCH a worthwhile one. At a macro-level, asking questions can replace those feelings of stress and anxiety associated with not knowing, with an excitement for possibility and a sense of accomplishment. Physiologically, that cortisol that is associated with worry and stress is overridden by dopamine – the ‘aha’ drug that floods our bodies when we have accomplished or understood something. Until I’m blue in the face, I tell my students how beneficial it is to have a go, to take risks, to ask questions, to fail; these are the most sure-fire routes to growth. BUT modelling this behaviour has been much more effective. As my understanding of this has grown, so has MY eagerness to let students know that I:
a.) Don’t have all the answers
b.) Am not great at something
c.) Have had a shocker
d.) AM IMPERFECT
Children need to see this from adults. They need to see it from their role models. Once they can see others solving problems and finding a way through, by asking questions and being curious, by being imperfect, by understanding that NOBODY has it all figured out, the sooner that shroud of FOPO can begin to clear and they can throw back open that door of wonder and curiosity.
# 4 LIFE LESSONS FROM KIDS
When I started teaching, I didn’t expect I’d be on the receiving end of life lessons modelled by my own students. The token phrase is that we can learn something from everyone we meet, and in a way that’s true if you look hard enough. But what I’m talking about is truly becoming a better person as a result of interactions with particular kids.
Lesson 1: Be happy in who you are, care FOR others, but don’t care about what they think of you. This student was unapologetically herself and absolutely happy about it. It’s a superpower to truly not care what others think. Going about her day with an understated contentment in herself, humble in her lofty academic and sporting achievements and kind to everyone, in a sea of others who were naturally trying to find a way to fit in, meant that, ironically, she (unknowingly) stood out more than anyone.
Lesson 2: Accept where you’re at but be determined to make the most of every chance you have to grow. 99% of students will admit that at some point they’ve opted NOT to ask for help, to not draw attention to themselves or be seen as not understanding. Not this student. Maths didn’t click for her…yet! She’d ask for help several times/lesson, either because she wasn’t comprehending or just to ensure she was on track. And how grateful she was for the help. Fast forward 6yrs and as delighted as I was, I was hardly surprised when she swept the pool of academic awards and earned herself a uni scholarship.
Lesson 3. Be humble and use influence for good. Ever since teaching &coaching this student I’ve had a theory that if the most popular, admired boy in the cohort is setting positive examples, it's powerful enough to influence the behaviour and set the tone for the entire cohort (of boys and girls). The inverse is unfortunately just as true. This student was more than just a high-achiever when it came to sport. In my mind, from the moment I saw him pick up any piece of sporting equipment, I knew he was destined for big things (and he still is). Impressive as his athletic prowess was it was his ability to recognise others looked up to him and be the best role model he could be; be it in the classroom (where he didn’t necessarily excel but always did his best), in the playground (playing fair and always looking to diffuse issues popping up among his beloved mates). Talent, loyalty, maturity, perspective, all far beyond his years.
# 5 MEET THEM IN THE MESS
One of the steepest learning curves I’ve been on since I began teaching over 12 years ago has been how best to deal with children when they’re not at their best; in a moment of crisis, ‘in trouble’, ‘acting out’, making poor choices, disengaged. Hopefully you get the picture.
As a beginner teacher, it was certainly tempting (and in many cases, my go-to reaction) to reprimand poor behaviour then and there, with swift action, a raised voice and maybe even a dreaded threat of detention – I was simply following the inner guidebook that I’d developed from learned experience. I was in strife enough as a primary schooler to have memorised the ‘riot act’ back to front!
Over time however, it seemed to make less sense to me to react with haste, without taking the time to really get down on the students’ level. Children are either operating ‘in-balance’ or ‘out-of-balance’ and I have tried hard to hone my ability to meet students with authority, but one that is ladened with compassion and empathy; to dig a little more deeply (when appropriate) and to achieve a very reasonable, but sometimes overlooked place between student and teacher – connection bound by mutual respect. In my experience, even the most unfavourable behaviours can be met with compassion. I won’t go into the myriad reasons for poor behaviour (and I’m certainly no behavioural expert), but a gentle self-reminder that “this child must be dealing with something” goes a long way (at least in the short-term) and often in the long-term. The long-term I refer to is a connection and trust that is established that now makes it safe for this child to come to you before, during or after a melt-down. They know that you are willing to meet them in the messy moments, acknowledge that they, like all humans, are imperfect and will screw up, but can also expect some form of constructivism and to learn something out of it. Lael Stone, in her ep on The Imperfects podcast referred to this as ‘standing in the fire’ with them.
Lael also talks about 3 behavioural responses we learn as children: repression, aggression, and expression. No prizes for guessing the desirable one. Expression is the healthy way! I’ve become so much better at modelling this behaviour as the teacher: “I’m so frustrated by this technology today…Plan-B it is!” or “Geez I’m feeling behind the 8-ball this morning– if I forget something, let me know about it.” Children have a sharp barometer for when things are up, so I have no qualms owning it!! It’s great modelling. If you want students to come to you, you have to make it safe.
# 6 ALL IMPORTANT AUTHENTICITY
A central message that I try to instil in my students (as part of Armour, and in my classroom) is the (at times) challenging task of maintaining our authenticity; being true to ourselves through our choices, our interactions and our aspirations. One task I set my students in Workshop 3 is to define what it is to be ‘accepted’ at school these days. Granted, this varies for boys and girls. Everything from sporty to smart, to influential, funny, good looking and even bossy made the list. It didn’t take long for the group to figure out that not only did some of the attributes we came up with contradict one another, but more notably, it was literally impossible to be all these things. Some were brave enough to admit that they had succumbed to pressure to behave in a way not natural to them and noted the discomfort in doing so…and who can really blame them with the bombardment of distractions coming at them, not only from their peers, but also media and social media. As I find myself doing across many of my workshop topics, I highlighted the fact that the challenges faced by children are indeed challenges adults are trying to master and overcome too! This message seems to land most effectively when I lean in and share an example or two of my own. I explained to students that in the early stages of my career, I too compromised my authenticity for the sake of obtaining a permanent job. While it seemed like a clever thing to do at the time, to throw my hat in every ring possible to land a permanent teaching gig, I knew deep down that accepting a position at this particular school was not being true to my beliefs, and to be fair, my taking the position wasn’t exactly doing the right thing by this school either. While it was a great school, which provided me with some valuable opportunities to grow as a young professional, my gut feel was off and I grew increasingly uneasy & ultimately, became quite unhappy. In the end, I had to leave…it was a risky move to give up a permanent job to step back into a contract, but it’s what was right and true…and has continued to feel and right true to me ever since.
# 7 MATHS - A CONFIDENCE GAME
Teachers often acknowledge the lightbulb moments that their students experience as among the most rewarding parts of their job. I’d say I’m in that same boat – well sort of. Rather than your ‘standard on-off lightbulb’, for me it’s those fancy dimmable ones that you can gradually brighten. I also love teaching Maths…not because I’m a purist or was ever that great at it; I love it for the challenge of turning that dial from dim to bright on those fancy bulbs! The most fulfilling feedback I can receive from my students is that I have transformed them from maths-haters to maths-lovers. Plenty of conventional lightbulb moments in lessons, of course, but it’s the gradual change in their overall confidence, as a mathematician, as a learner, and maybe even as a human being, that lights me up!
The other day, I listened to Ben Crowe talk about confidence and immediately thought about the students in my maths lessons. He speaks about performance confidence vs self-confidence. So often, children (and everyone!) confuse these two things; i.e. confusing our confidence to be able to DO something with our confidence to BE our best selves and own our own story (warts and all). To contextualise, there are so many students who develop an aversion to different areas of the curriculum, or to learning in general, off the back of distressing moments in a lesson, low test scores etc. Then comes the self-label: “I suck at Maths”. I’ve heard that all too often. Thing is, very few students will be exceptional mathematicians, but all others who don’t fall into that category have every likelihood of finding success in it. The key for mine is helping kids to find SELF-confidence first in order to find PERFORMANCE confidence second. Maths is begging to be made fun and inspiring. It lends itself to a raft of games, investigations and contests. And if not Maths, that same principle could be applied to science, geography, writing even! My approach is simply this: TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF! Stop expecting to be top of the class and don’t sweat it if you don’t get an A! Acknowledge that geometry or division might not be your jam but commit to having your best crack each time it's time to pull out your grid book and get to work.
It's about helping kids to acknowledge strengths and weaknesses as neither good nor bad, but just part and parcel of being a human being – everyone is finding something tricky, be it Maths or something completely different, like keeping their desk tidy (teacher included)! Once some of that pressure is off, we can go about maximising their strengths as a learner, finding the fun in it, enjoying the process of little wins and being open to improving their weaknesses, without comparison or embarrassment.
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